


Oh John

by finefeatheredfriend



Series: Why Can't We Be Friends? (AKA Wholesome Shorts) [12]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Past Drug Use, Temptation, cult hymns are fire, possibly triggering slander between two seed brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 16:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finefeatheredfriend/pseuds/finefeatheredfriend
Summary: Rook and Jacob try to get John to join the Resistance. Sharky goes rogue.





	Oh John

“I just want to reiterate that I think letting the idiot have a cattle prod is a terrible idea,” Jacob muttered as he started the truck.

“Yeah, well, apparently everyone thinks my ideas are terrible. I’m used to it.”

“I’m not seeing the problem,” Earl snarked as he looked on approvingly at Sharky pretending to use the weapon on a long-suffering Jacob. Jacob rolled his eyes.

“Good, we can drop Grandpa off at the nursing home on the way,” the red-headed Seed glowered.

“Stop,” Rook said softly, putting a hand on his disarmingly. He sighed and met Earl’s gaze.

“Fine. But I’m not carrying his fat ass if he gets knocked down in the field.”

“I didn’t come here to be insulted,” Earl griped, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And yet, it’s so easy,” Jacob answered, turning left toward the Holland Valley.

“GUYS! Did you know that this cattle prod has an ‘extra stun’ feature?” Sharky asked excitedly.

“Oh Lord Jesus, help us,” muttered the sheriff, covering his face with a hand.

\--

“Dep-yoo-tee,” John addressed her, arms thrown wide and a wide smile on his face as he stepped forward out of the sleek sports car he had pulled up in. Only his eyes betrayed his real emotions. “What a pleasure to see you here. And…Jacob?” he sounded genuinely surprised at this, his smile faltering.

Resistance members were gathered outside his captured lodge, muttering and watching the interaction. Several cultists had followed John in a pickup, and they too stepped forward, glowering at the deputy and her friends, looking surprised at seeing Jacob there as well. Resistance members stepped behind the cultists, weapons ready.

“Little brother,” Jacob grumbled, reaching a hand forward and shaking John’s carefully. He looked down pointedly when he felt the derringer in John’s coat sleeve. “We’re just here to talk.” John gave him a calculating look, glanced at Rook and Earl past Jacob’s shoulder. Rook rubbed a nervous hand over her neck, drawing attention to a series of hickeys on the pale skin. A new smile crossed John Seed’s face and he threw his head back, laughing with what sounded like true amusement.

“Oh, Jacob. How the mighty have fallen. It would appear I’ve won a bet against Faith. But I imagine she already knows she lost, given that I’d place even more money on a wager that she’s sitting pretty in the county jail right about now, safe from Joseph’s wrath.” His crystal blue eyes flickered over his brother’s face, then Rook’s. “Yes, I thought as much. Why are we here, Jacob? It’s not my birthday, so I know you’re not handing over your little…pet to me. No, I think you want to keep her. Or is it the other way around? Has she tamed you instead?” John laughed again, mocking, running a hand briefly over his bearded chin. “My, my, and here I thought we were getting somewhere, you with your wolves and your dogs, finally pulling your head out of your ass and making yourself useful after crying ‘boohoo’ to Joseph about your PTSD. I guess it only took one bitch to undo all that training,” John hissed hatefully.

“Well, at least he didn’t find me in a back alley with a man’s dick in my mouth and a needle in my arm,” Jacob growled and Rook shifted nervously. This was not going well. John raised his eyebrows and laughed again, though it was a humorless, bitter laugh this time. His features darkened. John’s gaze flicked to Rook’s and he clenched his jaw and his fists for a moment before brushing a stiff hand over his coat to straighten wrinkles from it delicately.

“You heard right, Deputy,” he addressed her, stepping forward around his brother. “You won’t be able to win me over by fucking me like you did Rachel and Jacob. I don’t play for your team…in any capacity,” he assured her, looking at the Resistance members gathered. “Nor do I intend to. But…”

But Rook never got to hear what John was going to say. With a sudden zap and a strangled yelp, John hit the ground, crumpling, unconscious. The end of Sharky’s cattle prod was smoking.

“What? He talks too much,” Boshaw shrugged. With quick movements, the Resistance members took John’s bodyguards into custody.

“Well. Maybe the cattle prod wasn’t such a bad idea,” Jacob murmured, allowing his fists to unclench, forcing himself to take a breath, to calm from John’s verbal attacks, feeling shame at what he had said in response. Rook put a gentle hand on his shoulder, took his hand and kissed the back of it softly as he breathed hard.

“He was just angry. He’ll come around. Hey. It’s okay.” She squeezed his hand and all was right with the world.

\--

♪ “Oh John! Bold and brave!” The volume increased abruptly. “HE’S FINDING US A FAMILY, HE’S TEACHING US TO FEND, OH JOHN, OH JOHN, KEEP US SAFE!”♪

“Turn that racket off!” Earl demanded, stumbling out of his office where he had been sleeping and toward the small solitary cell that John had been placed in. Sharky turned the radio down sheepishly and the sheriff walked back into his office, slamming the door behind him after shooting Sharky a look that could have killed him.

♪ “…through Eden’s Gate! Come mothers and come fathers, come caring and come fierce, you’ve gotta see it for yourself if you can’t believe your…”♪

“Please, _for the love of God_, turn that off,” John mumbled from where he had sprawled dramatically on the cot he had been provided.

“Figured you’d like listening to your own shitty song,” Sharky riposted. John cracked open one crisp blue eye and met Sharky’s. Sharky swallowed. Goddamn, that was a good looking man.

_What a fuckin’ douche, though,_ he reminded himself silently as his eyes slid appreciatively over John’s form. He wasn’t gay, but a warm body was a warm body, don’t judge. So maybe he was bisexual. He thought for a moment, forehead crinkling. Or pansexual. Whichever one meant he’d fuck almost anything given the opportunity. Pansexual, he decided with a little nod. He stuck the thumb of his free hand into his beltloop, using his other hand to sling his shotgun smoothly over his shoulder. He whapped himself in the ear with it instead, wincing at the sting. John chuckled.

♪ “…in holy water there can be no tears. Oh John!”♪

Having made John laugh, Sharky was feeling confident. He swaggered forward toward the cell door, meeting John’s intense gaze. John opened his mouth to speak.

“I said,” the youngest Seed purred, looking at Sharky with hooded eyes, “_turn that off_.” The tone of the order sent an odd thrill through Sharky that ended somewhere in his boxer briefs. He swallowed. John stood slowly, wobbling a little, still weak from his electrocution, but he stepped lithely toward the bars, wrapping two neatly manicured hands delicately around them as he faced Sharky directly.

“And what if I don’t?” Sharky challenged, jutting his chin up. John chuffed a laugh and stuck his tongue in his cheek for a moment.

“Why don’t you come in here and find out?” he suggested, sending another thrill through Sharky that began to awaken things between his legs. Cold blue eyes roamed over Sharky, from his hat to his scuffed athletic shoes, but behind the disgust there was obvious appreciation and clear interest. Sharky looked over his shoulder, considering, his braincells grinding into fifth gear as he tried to decide what to do. On the one hand, there was a decent possibility he could get laid if he opened this door. On the other hand, there was the decent possibility that he would get killed if he opened the door. On another hand that he might have to borrow from someone cuz he only had two hands, there was the almost guaranteed possibility that Rook and/or the Sheriff would kick his ass if he opened the door. But then again, maybe they would arrest him and put him in a cell with John. And so he was back to getting laid. He shrugged and reached for the keys.

“If I open this door…”

“I will kick your ass into next week, Boshaw,” Rook answered him, clicking the radio off. “Now get out, John and I have a lot to discuss.” John blew Sharky a teasing, lascivious kiss as he retreated from the room with Rook glaring after him.

That evening “Oh John” was still stuck in Sharky’s mind on a loop. He found that, for the first time ever, he wasn’t annoyed by it.

**Author's Note:**

> So these shorts used to be self contained, but there's now a central plot. I'll be working on posting them all in one work, which you can find here:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100727/chapters/47613517
> 
> Start with chapter 12 if you've read all the other shorts.
> 
> Love these? Hate them? Let me know! I'm on tumblr as finefeatheredfarcryplayer


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